10.04.10 - please be a great day

Today is going to be one of my busiest days yet!
I've got an afternoon errand or two to run and then in the early evening, I will be getting a third tattoo! I'm inking the Lone Star State on my left inner forearm at Diablo Rojo on Guadalupe aka the Drag. Tortix's paws on my wrists will also be touched up as they never were after getting them done 7 years ago.
Following my ink appointment will be a dinner at Truluck's with my cousin for stone crab! YUM!!! I'm kind of worried about how well I'll be able to put Truluck's out of business by eating more crab than they have in stock due to my fresh ink but somehow I think my appetite will get me through it. I'm salivating just typing about it. I don't know how I'll make it to 8PM tonight.
I knew that all these activities falling on the same day together would make Sunday the longest day ever and that's exactly how it went down. Of course, some of you (Dave, Jean) got a chance to speak to me when I was at a low point so there were definitely other factors at play. By the evening, Greggles cheered me up quite a bit and I'm so thankful to have people around me him for knowing how to turn my frown into a smile.

I am really hoping today goes well. In the last week or so I've been having a lot of difficulty holding my head up and a lot of things that have been swirling in my head for years are still troubling me. They're having quite an impact on me as of late, partially due to some of the bad company I've been keeping. Luckily, that has since been rectified.
I don't know how much of it could be due to the birth control I'm on and I wonder if I am having mood swings or not. I don't know why but it's difficult for me to really tell whether they are happening or not. I'm not around anyone at home enough or throughout my day for anyone to tell me either.

I recently quit smoking mj and I feel really good about this. I am incredibly proud of myself for being able to sit in front of someone smoking and not feel the least bit tempted to smoke any at all. For the first time in a very long time, I feel like I have some kind of willpower to exercise. I have a harder time with temptation when people talk about it than when they do it in front of me. I can't say I'm quitting for good because I feel like someday I will definitely smoke again. As some of you know, there are non-THC alternatives out there and I used them to ween myself off mj.
Self-discipline and willpower are a couple things that I've been struggling with for a long time. I'd like to quit another addictive behavior but I'm not sure what. Alcohol is going to be extremely difficult to quit and I am sure I won't be able to for as long as I am working at the bar. I will probably save it for last. But what should come next? I don't abuse anything like I abuse alcohol or abused mj. Nothing really compares.
I can't stop thinking about what happens when I am free of not only mj but alcohol. Before alcohol abuse, it was mj. For the first time in 8 years, I am clean off mj for more than 1 consecutive month. Eight years is a long time. If I didn't abuse mj for the last 8yrs, I have no idea what else I would have been doing. The idea of not drinking or smoking leaves me wondering if I will find life even more boring than I already do.

Despite everyone going crazy about this Antoine Dodson thing, I usually tend to stay away from things that are overly hyped until the hype is gone. When this video was going viral, I knew NOTHING about it. This morning I just finally watched it on YouTube.
Now the thing is, I completely thought it was just some actor or comedian or whatever making a funny video that everyone thought was great. I had NO idea that this was a real person doing a real interview on real news about a real incident. Even afterwards I couldn't tell if it was real. I had to wiki it to learn that this whole Antoine Dodson business is real as hell! And that he used it to benefit his family by moving out of the pjs. Holy shit!!! No wonder why it went viral the way it did. Jayzuz.

10.09.10 - 1wk later

I feel like I've been on a bit of a roller coaster but recent stress is causing me to stay on the lows rather than the highs. Most of it is financial woes but I feel like I can absolutely bitch about that because I have been sending out my resume. I'm trying! I don't feel like I have even a mediocre cover letter but I really tried to put a good one together. From Wednesday to Friday, I've sent out at least two resumes each day. I think it's fair to take the weekends off even though I still browse the listings just in case there's something to respond to. Wish me luck, guys.

Last night the bar wasn't really hoppin and there were hardly any shot buyers and tippers. The new beer girl did great though. If this recent trend of slow business and non tippers continues, I don't really know what I'm going to do.

Apparently there's a group of Texas high school girls that are going to go make-up free for one day a week to protest the current standard of beauty. Um, are you kidding me?
I probably "wear make-up" about... 2-3 days out of the week. Mostly because I'm working at the bar or whatever and obviously appearances have an effect on earnings. Aside from that, I hardly ever wear make-up. Plus, I don't think just wearing lip gloss and eye liner count as wearing make-up.. do they? And despite what you guys see on the webcam, I have horrible skin. Combination skin, crappy complexion and maybe even some areas with mild rosacea? They're always pink. And not in a cute, blushy type of way. I can't stand women who always have to wear make-up when they leave the house though I've been there and it was mostly due to horrible acne.
I applaud the girls though. But just for one day a week? Weaksauce.

10.12.10 - omfgineedajob

This time last year I was desperate for 2009 to end and to get a fresh start with 2010. I guess I only have myself to blame that here I am in 2010 just dying for 2011 to come already. I started looking for a new job last week and up until yesterday sent out 2 resumes on Wed, Thurs and Friday. No bites. Yesterday I only sent out one. I'm slacking! But I'm also scouring Craigslist and even though I've found ALL my jobs on CL, I probably need to venture outward. I really need a fucking job. It's mid October and I have NOTHING set aside for mortgage and can't afford cat litter for DW. FML! Cross your fingers, people. I need a jooooooooobbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb.

10.14.10 - 2011

Today my little cousin and I went to visit a friend of mine at Lakeline Mall and browsed various stores together. We're 11 years apart and with school and after-school activities, we don't get to hang out together often. We talked about various stuff and even though neither of us had a dime to buy shit, we had fun anyway. The evening was ended with math homework and I felt like a dumb ass explaining some of her math homework. We're going back tomorrow because we found a couple of really cute halter tops for only $7 each and they go perfectly with the Michael Antonio strappy heels that I bought a while back. Macy's and several other stores have sales for all the summery shit they won't be able to sell this fall/winter so I'm wondering if I should hit up Highland Mall to see about finding different styles that aren't available at Lakeline. I have no fucking business shopping but at least it makes me feel a little better. And it's a lot cheaper than a day at the spa or a massage.

While we were doing her homework, I picked up a Chinese Horoscope book my aunt bought for 2010. I went through and read about my sign (Wood Ox) and the book hit the nail on the head about a lot of shit that's happened or is happening to me this year. I really wish I would've read through that book at the end of 2009 rather than towards the end of 2010. It did say that November is a good month for opportunity so I really gotta start hustlin because I've been slacking off all week. Shit ain't gettin any better so idkwtf I'm thinkin.
Anyhow, the book is by Neil Somerville and I am going to see about getting one for 2011. What I read about 2010 for the Wood Ox is so incredible I am convinced that I need to be proactive and plan 2011 based on the advice of the book. My aunt says this next year will be good for everyone so I can't wait to read what it says about 2011. The book isn't available on Amazon yet so I'm not sure if it's available in any stores right now either. Somerville's site has a paypal link to buy it now for $17.50 + a overseas air delivery charge but I'm going to wait and see if I can get it locally.
Pick up a copy from Amazon for yourself by clicking the image and let me know what you think!

If I can make it to the end of the month with my bills paid (for the most part) and mortgage money, I want to take advantage of November since it's supposed to be very auspicious. Based on what the book said, it seems like November is my last window for opportunity. Time to get it together!
Send your good vibes my way, guys! *love*